Dragon 278 (concluded)

Okay, let's finish this dwarf-heavy magazine and see what else is inside, shall we? The next article isn't about dwarves; it's about the 2000 Dungeons & Dragons movie, including casting information and spoilers about the plot. Oh, and there's an interview with Lee Arenberg, who played...Elwood the Dwarf in the movie. They just can't get away from that theme, can they?

So, I did watch this movie in theaters, and it was rather disappointing. Jeremy Irons got extreme indigestion from chewing all that scenery, and even the main characters were just...meh. The climactic battle was early CGI, with tons of dragons, so you can imagine how that looked on screen. Still, it was a D&D movie, something we had been craving for nearly twenty years. I think a Dragonlance movie would have worked better, but considering they were playtesting 3rd edition even while filming the movie, I'm not surprised they did something completely different.

We get a synopsis of the movie; I'm surprised they spoiled it this thoroughly, considering the movie was released on December 8th, 2000. So, there was a good chance you got this issue before going to the theater and seeing the movie. I don't know if that contributed to the absolute bomb at the box office, but I doubt it helped. I'm not going to recap the movie; it was just...meh. If they had added a scene at the very end with the actors sitting around a table with Jeremy Irons as the DM recapping the adventure they had just gone through, that would have made the movie eleventy times better.

Fortunately, the next year we would get a proper set of fantasy movies. Well, two of them if you like Harry Potter. So, this movie was quickly forgotten altogether, although it wasn't for lack of effort on Dragon magazine's part; they pumped this up for months.

Alright, back to more dwarf-specific stuff. We now have 'The Old Words are the Best Words', which is basically dwarven proverbs. Sure, why not? These give a nice insight into the mindset of the typical dwarf, with wise words such as 'He who fears death invites it to visit' and 'You don't find gold by licking the rock'. This is a very nice idea that encourages PC dwarves to use them for better character immersion. There are well over a dozen of these proverbs, all of which are said to be hundreds if not thousands of years old, timeless wisdom from dwarves long gone. Very nice article.

Remember the Class Combos from the Dragon Annual? Well, they're back, and this time they're all about dwarves. Of course they are, because this is the dwarfiest Dragon Magazine of all time. We get four multiclass combinations suited for dwarves: The Artificer, a fighter/wizard who takes Item Creation Feats to allow him to make awesome magic items; the Slayer, a fighter/rogue who specializes in dirty combat; the Stoneling, a cleric/rogue combination that has some weird ideas about the connection between dwarves and rocks; and the Temple Defender, a fighter/cleric that is specifically built to qualify for the Dwarven Defender prestige class. These are interesting ideas, and definitely have a nice dwarven flavor. Although the Stoneling is still very, very weird. Not mechanically; they're just cleric/rogues who advance evenly to avoid multiclass penalties. But the philosophy...weird.

Our fiction this month takes us to Greyhawk, specifically the kingdom of Keoland, where a very motley group is looking for the village of Hommlet. Which isn't anywhere near Keoland, is it? No, it's not; there's an entire mountain range between Keoland and Hommlet, which is close to Verbobonc. This is not a story to take seriously, even though there is some serious fighting in here. But the party consists of a human ranger wearing black dragon scale armor and a hellhound pelt around his shoulders; a strange little man with a very thin and twisted physique; a faerie named Escallia who makes kender look composed and focused, and a sphinx who can create and use magical scrolls. Oh, and the hell hound pelt is animate and breathes fire. Good to know.

Anyway, this crew is 'exploring' a ruined castle, and after much silliness from the faerie and the sphinx that includes setting off ancient traps, the group ends up fighting a Lernean hydra. Good thing they have a hell hound pelt to burn the stumps. The story is...okay. Probably the least interesting one of the stories I've read in Dragon Magazine starting from 274. The humor is played up a bit too much for my tastes, and the party makeup is just weird. But that's just me. Side note: No dwarves appeared in this story, which I feel is a wasted opportunity to stick to the theme.

The next article gets us right back to dwarfiness with an article on dwarven gizmos. If you ever wanted to shoot spikes out of your weapon, now is your chance. Basically, these are devices designed and built by dwarves to assist them in various tasks, including combat. There is a whole section on 'bellows technology', which is basically...no, I can't do basically on this one. Your character is wearing special boots that create air pressure and thus give pneumatic pressure to operate the other bellows devices. There's a mask that delivers filtered air (great for cave-ins and poisonous gas traps), head lamps, and...a napalm cannon. Well, okay, it's not restricted to using alchemist's fire; it's usually used to pump water onto a fire, but come on. If you get hold of this technology, you are using it for napalm, and don't even pretend otherwise. Note that none of the stuff in this article is magical; it's all dwarven technology. And unlike Krynnish gnomes, their tech actually works. It's a clever idea that really leans into the 'dwarves are really good at building things' trope and takes it one step further; these dwarves are mechanical engineers, and very good ones.

Our full-length Nodwick comic this month is about...oh, you guessed. Yep, more dwarves. But first Piffany gets to meet her evil opposite with...nope, I can't say the result was predictable. Although it should have been. Anyway, they come across dwarves that are busy at an ancient dwarven forge creating...(another dramatic pause)...action figures for the new D&D movie. So this comic is a double tie-in! How underwhelming.

Hey, an article that doesn't involve dwarves! It's a Realms article by Ed, another Volo masterpiece. This one is about lost treasures of Cormyr, although again this is all fluff, no crunch; we do get a list of NPCs related to the 'lost treasures', which are just a bunch of jewels owned by a single family. Meh. More Realmslore, but nothing game-related.

Even the monthly 'Vs.' article is about dwarves, specifically duergar dwarves (the bad ones). There are tips and tactics for fighting these guys, and they are much tougher than orcs and zombies, mostly because...well, they're dwarves, and they're not stupid. And they have special powers such as invisibility, which makes it very difficult to track and fight them. There's some good advice here for any player, including veterans.

Ah, a prestige class, the Stonelord. Can you guess what race it's restricted to? That's right...half-orcs! Oh, wait...no, it's another dwarf article. The Stonelord is usually a dwarven fighter-type (although any class can qualify for this eventually), and the class gives them special abilities related to their connection to stone. At higher levels, they get abilities that match certain Player's Handbook spells such as stone shape and even earthquake. Don't mess with a Stonelord.

Back to the Realms, and an article that I would have expected to find in Polyhedron rather than Dragon, since it's about Ravens Bluff and some of its characters. I have no idea if these characters are new, but I believe they are since these characters actually appear in a Forgotten Realms novel, The City of Ravens. So, it's more character descriptions of novel protagonists. However, this article also includes two new magic items and a new spell, so it's got use outside of Ravens Bluff.

Dragonmirth is still going strong. The Forum focuses on the new rules, specifically people's reactions to the PH and the new DMG; the MM was too new for people to write in, I suppose.

Role Models covers the basics of painting miniatures. Well, that's a useful introduction to the hobby for newcomers. It's only a couple of pages, but it does cover what materials will be needed, how to set up a workstation, and proper techniques for posture while painting. If you're into that sort of thing and you aren't a long-time hobbyist, this is a good article. Otherwise, it's filler.

Sage Advice covers clerics and monks and many questions about them and their new abilities. Most of the questions involve monks, since they have a wide range of special abilities with complicated effects. We also get some nice Power Play entries, including an 8th-level cleric who can stand-in (or even surpass) a fighter of equivalent level with the right spells.

Silicon Sorcery is the monthly column about computer games. This time around, we get no fewer than five magic items taken from the Icewind Dale computer game. I recognize several of these from when I played that game. We get full 3rd edition writeups for all of them, so they'll definitely be showing up in a game at some point.

Dungeoncraft finally gets around to the truly important question: When do I convert to the new edition of the game? Well, sunshine, most people already did. You're five months late. Sure, you wrote this article just after getting back from GenCon, but you would have had the inside track to at least get 3rd edition stuff into your column right after it was released. Instead, we're five months into the game's life cycle, so a lot of your advice is already expired.

We finish the magazine with another What's New starring Phil & Dixie, and even this gets dwarves. Specifically, it's about Alberich and the Ring of the Nibelung, which Alberich freely hands to Dixie. Phil freaks out, naturally, since all she has to do is renounce love while wearing the ring and she rules the universe. Fortunately, she hasn't completely renounced love, and balance is restored. And dwarves show up, because of course they do.

Well, that's the last Dragon Magazine for 2000. It was definitely a dwarf showcase, with a lot of really useful and interesting stuff, both fluff and crunch. Next up I've got a Polyhedron magazine to go through, and then we're already almost done for the month. Nice.